Help Wanted: The New Women’s Suffrage


CLICK to see the FULL ad in all of its hideous glory


Tall Brewnette

Significant Experience in Requested Field

E. Edward Gray’s Legal Office
Job Duties Included: Habitual typos in important legal documents and required “punishment” for such.  A constant need for attention, direction, and correction.  Internally lamenting the absence of my father and externally seeking the approval of a dominant male figure.
Reason for Leaving:  Married boss.

Personal Assistant
Christian Gray’s Office
Job Duties Included: Playing hard to get, being easily overwhelmed and manipulated, easily awed by shiny things, having a minimal and unimpressive vocabulary, and successfully eluding contracts.
Reason for Leaving: Was offered a better position in publishing.

Personal Assistant to Jabba the Hutt
Jabba’s Palace, Northern Dune Sea, Tatooine
Job Duties Included: Daily attire in mixed metal bikini, cleaning between Jabba’s folds, occasional dancing, erotic asphyxiation.
Reason for leaving: Occupational Hazard / Work place accident. Manager deceased.
*Please do not contact for reference.

Head of Personnel/Accounts/Partner
Sterling Cooper Draper Price/ now SC&P
Job duties Included:  Everything to make the office work and using “assets” that don’t look good on paper, but look fantastic in a bright, stylish dress.
Reason for Leaving: The 70s.

Dunder Mifflin Scranton PA office
Job Duties Included: Answering phones, routing calls, scheduling meetings and managing travel arrangements.
Reason for Leaving: Sexual Harassment


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