Help Wanted: The New Women’s Suffrage

 

CLad
CLICK to see the FULL ad in all of its hideous glory

 

Tall Brewnette
360-###-####
SomeRandomBroad@gmail.com

Significant Experience in Requested Field

Secretary
E. Edward Gray’s Legal Office
Job Duties Included: Habitual typos in important legal documents and required “punishment” for such.  A constant need for attention, direction, and correction.  Internally lamenting the absence of my father and externally seeking the approval of a dominant male figure.
Reason for Leaving:  Married boss.

Personal Assistant
Christian Gray’s Office
Job Duties Included: Playing hard to get, being easily overwhelmed and manipulated, easily awed by shiny things, having a minimal and unimpressive vocabulary, and successfully eluding contracts.
Reason for Leaving: Was offered a better position in publishing.

Personal Assistant to Jabba the Hutt
Jabba’s Palace, Northern Dune Sea, Tatooine
Job Duties Included: Daily attire in mixed metal bikini, cleaning between Jabba’s folds, occasional dancing, erotic asphyxiation.
Reason for leaving: Occupational Hazard / Work place accident. Manager deceased.
*Please do not contact for reference.

Head of Personnel/Accounts/Partner
Sterling Cooper Draper Price/ now SC&P
Job duties Included:  Everything to make the office work and using “assets” that don’t look good on paper, but look fantastic in a bright, stylish dress.
Reason for Leaving: The 70s.

Receptionist
Dunder Mifflin Scranton PA office
Job Duties Included: Answering phones, routing calls, scheduling meetings and managing travel arrangements.
Reason for Leaving: Sexual Harassment

 

One thought on “Help Wanted: The New Women’s Suffrage

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s