June, 4 Years Ago

I was looking at an old Moleskine and came across a “2 Line Journal” project I had done for June 2011. It looks like I wrote two sentences each day starting on the 5th, or that was the goal. I was in Maryland helping my family because my father had contracted life-threatening MRSA and was treated in the hospital for over a month.

6/5
I saw snapping turtles in the quarry lake at Fountain Rock. My cat is dying.

6/6
My cat died. We planted a white azalea on her grave.

I am very afraid of death. I have this guilty, anxious feeling about buried Starburst. The night is cold. I feel like I should bring her in, so she can be warm. It doesn’t feel right to leave her out there like that under the dirt. She hated to get dirty.

6/7

I’m cheating a bit. I’m actually writing this the following day.

My cat hated being wet and it feels wrong pouring water over her. Today feels less sad than yesterday.

6/8
Went out tonight but couldn’t find anyone to talk to. The Niko-cat is pretty good at communicating what he wants.

6/9
I brought my father some rocks that seemed interesting from a walk in Catoctin. I can’t think of any reason why I’m so exhausted today.

6/10 (done the day after)
My mother and I walked around Gambrill State Park looking at the blooming mountain laurels. Kept waking at night.

6/11
Waiting for my mother to come home hours after she was supposed to. Reminisced about 80s children’s tv characters with my very pregnant childhood friend.

Why am I so tired and will it mean I can sleep?

6/12
We drove around Western MD look its best in summer. Being in the car for a long time is difficult for me.

6/17
Anesthesia was used far more often in Civil War surgeries than I expected. Getting sad about Russ leaving tomorrow.

6/18
I took Russ to the airport. I bought a really sparkly blue mystic topaz (coated topaz) ring.

6/19
Saw a bright yellow duckling among regular ducklings in Baker Pond. [REDACTED]

6/20
Feelings of nonspecific guilt. Photographed ducklings and night herons.

6/21
My father came home. I’m worried about a cat bite.

6/22
My parents were fighting today. I opened a tasty watermelon.

~6/24
What happened to this day? It was Friday. I was hungover.
(I am hungover)
What was good about that day? I was uncomfortable about Sean and that girl. And didn’t sleep enough. Or at least at the right times.
(Eating delicious chocolate my friend brought back from Europe.)

~6/25
Saw a high school friend at Jay’s BBQ. Jay’s health is poor.

6/27
Woke up with cramp pains. Taking a moment to watch Dr. Who.

6/28
I made the same mistake 2X. Night herons are active at night time.

~6/29 Being in the basement alone watching Dr. Who felt surprisingly good.

6/30
I’m afraid of coming back to Portland tomorrow. One of my friends won’t say goodbye to me.
My only friend in this town won’t say goodbye to me.
I had nightmares about grad school. I still haven’t registered for classes.
I hardly ever look up in this town. There’s some slightly spooky detailing in some of the buildings.

5 thoughts on “June, 4 Years Ago

  1. I did something similar by writing on scraps of paper, one nice or interesting thing that happened on every day, and put them in a mason jar. Later, after reading them, it was like a glass treasure trove of happy memories for a year. I also really love reading back through my dream journals to see what was on my sleeping mind.

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  2. I love peeping back into Moleskins as well. The lines you wrote so long ago (4 years!) still read as vividly as if these things had happened in June 2015. It’s a great practice for a writer.

    Though, I am also uncomfortable about Sean and that girl. . .

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    1. I’m not entirely sure what all the things I wrote meant anymore. I think I understand the Sean and that girl thing, but I’m not certain.

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