Uber, but for sad trombones
Uber, but for tiny violins
Uber, but for l’esprit d’escalier
Uber, but for Your Mom
Uber, but for your great grandmother’s miscarriages & stillborn children
Uber, but for your never known great aunts & uncles
Uber, but for dry rotted rocking chairs
Uber, but for phantom limbs
Uber, but for vestigial organs
Uber, but for 15 men on a dead man’s chest
Yo-ho-ho and Uber brings the rum.

Uber for foghorns and air-raid sirens
Uber for amphibious attacks
Uber for Brutalist architecture
Uber’s Safe Rides Fee supports efforts against broken windows.
Uber for white terrorists
Uber for imbalance of humors
Uber for sad clown velvet paintings
Make up to 5,000 chuckles every month.

Uber, but for Netflix
Uber for discarded couches
Uber for the doldrums
Uber for Santorum
Uber for intestinal distress
Uber for underwear vending machines
Uber for killer bees
Super for German speakers
Charon, Hydra, Nix, Styx, and Kerberos…your Uber is arriving now!
Available locally, expanding cosmically