Sam Smith is a former Creative Writing and Scriptwriting student, and has previously dabbled in both community radio broadcasting and stand-up comedy. His preferred genres of writing are sci-fi, horror, and comedy. He enjoys experimenting with convention to create offbeat scenarios and characters and hopes that his stories will make you laugh and think.

The Merger

Redmond was sweating. He had no reason to be nervous, yet his armpits and midriff were becoming damper by the second.

He turned everything over in his mind once more, in an effort to reassure himself. He’d spearheaded the Kyoto buyout, which left some of the Epsilon team, disgraced, to say the least. That was by far his biggest achievement as captain of the good ship Peel-Redmond. So long as he focused on the golden times, it was likely to be plain sailing.

Redmond applied moisturizer methodically to the bridge of his nose and his knuckles. He wanted to layer his elbows too, but it wouldn’t do to partially disrobe in the offices of Barker, Barker, Reece & Lindstrom.

Opposite him were twin oak doors that led to the main conference room. In there, the fate of his business was being decided. The sweatiness intensified twofold. Every now and again a burst of raucous laughter would spill out from between those doors and make him jump. Were they laughing with him, or…?

He pushed the unsavory thought right to the back of his mind, replacing it instead with a picturesque villa in Tuscany, and Alison waving seductively at him from a balcony. One day, in the not too distant future. If he could just get his feet under the table at BBR&L, then everything else would simply fall into place.

The double doors swung open, and a wiry mantis of a man who Redmond recognized as Lindstrom stepped out. Eyes ablaze and fixated, he stalked forward, hand outstretched.

Redmond stood, and took Lindstrom’s curled hand in his. At once he felt a strong connection.

“You’ll be delighted to learn that we’ve okayed the merger,” he chirruped, his eyes twinkling like new stars.

Redmond glanced down and saw his and Lindstrom’s hands, now no longer indistinguishable, but one smooth, melded ball of flesh.

He looked back up in horror at Lindstrom and where there once was a mouth, there was now a slowly unfurling proboscis. As his eyes began to roll back in his head, he was dimly aware of words coming from somewhere high above him.

“From here on in, we’re inseparable!”