I’m A Vaccine Against Dumb Mistakes

I’m A Vaccine Against Dumb Mistakes

and I’m here to rescue you
from ex-boyfriends
who want to borrow money,
Nigerian princes and
misspelling Johns Hopkins.

I am here to stop you from
texting while driving,
applying mascara while driving,
eating while driving,
(you get the idea)
and smoking.

While I can’t illuminate
subjunctive tenses, the finer
points of Russian Futurism
or high-dimensional
geometric topology,

when 42 is just an integer
between 41 and 43
when all that’s blowing in the wind
are trash and dried leaves
when your smart speaker can’t deliver,

remember not to panic.

When you’re zurzwanged
boxed in
backed against a corner

the ultimate answer is:
“Don’t do anything stupid.”


Lara Dolphin is a recovering attorney, novice nurse, and full-time mother of four amazing kids; she is exhausted and elated most of the time. 

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